It’s currently 5:10am. Woke up wide awake a bit after 2am and didn’t know what was happening. I’ve been so tired lately that I’ve been sleeping through the night and I cannot remember the last time I had an insomniac episode.
Naturally, I returned to writing. I finished handwriting another chapter, amended my chapter plan so I know what still needs to be written for the dissertation, and listened to the Crimes of Grindelwald soundtrack.
Right now I’m faced with either trying to get a few more hours sleep, or riding this wave for a bit longer and making coffee. I do really want coffee.
I said I wanted to do things today, leaving the house type of things, so again wondering if it’s worth just staying up and doing said things. After all Costa opens at 7! And now I’ve just put the idea of a McDonalds breakfast in my head. Swell.
So yesterday I managed 6 hours sleep then was back up and back to work, until my hands gave out. Completely. I couldn’t move them without them cracking and aching, so I had a hot bath and took the rest of the night off. Made it to 5150 words though!
Starting much later than expected today, probably won’t get a lot done as I’m trying to get back into something of a routine now, but I’ve plenty written that needs to be typed and I’m on a roll.
No crochet or gaming for me either, I need all my hand energy for typing and writing.
Got a nice big takeaway yesterday that will probably feed me for several days. Appetite is returning gradually.
Hoping to leave the house tomorrow for the first time in weeks. Need to stretch my legs and test my energy levels. Plus coffee.
I’ve survived until now. It’s after eight am and my eyes are gluing themselves shut.
I’ve typed a good chunk and handwritten two other chapters as I’m reworking old drafts and my brain finds it easier to write. I’m rambling, sorry.
I’m probably going to sleep for a while. My hands will be throbbing later, they are already sore but we’ll see how it goes. I need to hit my 15k typed target asap so I can have plenty of time for edits and redrafting before I go back to work.
My chairs are all uncomfortable. I need a big reading chair.
Still forgot to use forest all night.
The typing process is improving. Still making mistakes but quickly fixing them.
Listening to chill out jazz and bossa nova on youtube instead of movie soundtracks. It’s nice and generic and does make me feel like I’m working in a coffee shop.
Reading Pet Sematary during breaks. The scary is rapidly approaching.
Forgot to use Forest for the last hour and a half.
Scrolling through Tumblr too for studyspo. I don’t get bubble tea. What does it do? What are the bubbles? Do you eat them/drink them/accidentally inhale them? It’s been around for a while so not as faddy anymore. Maybe I’ll get one when I finally leave the house again.
Craving the vegan French toast from Rose and Grants. Not sure if I’m emotionally prepared for the seitan bacon. I do love seitan though.
Been listening to so much Top 40 and American pop music lately. Odd but the catchy stuff keeps my mood up.
Chapter splits are now underway. Back to handwriting chunks as I edit old drafts. Already concerned I’ll have too many words and too short a word count. It’s gonna be hard to word slash.
Getting more into the zone but also getting very sleepy.
Harry Potter soundtrack songs keep playing and I want to watch them all again.
My chair is uncomfortable. I can’t type on my own keyboard, too used to the
germy keyboards in work.
Debating having an early night for a change and starting fresh tomorrow.
This could get tedious…
I’ve been working and procrastinating badly. I’m not happy with how word looks, I need to find a nice studyblr picture on tumblr, the movie soundtrack I’m listening to makes me want to watch the film. Rattlesnake, hockypuck, monkey monkey underpants!
So, prepare yourself for random updates. I’m in the typing-up phase. Not yet at the point of using write or die as my attention span really is nothing at the moment. I downloaded the Pro version of forest for whatever good that’ll do over the unpaid I don’t know but it seems like I’m being productive.
Wish me luck!
I’m still not better. Last night I slept for ten hours, got up and went for a blood test, struggled to eat a single bagel then two hours after getting up I fell back asleep for four and a half hours! Plus I was shivering – even under two heavy quilts and three blankets. Gah!
I’m worried that the days are melting together. I’m caught between the, ‘I need to rest’ and ‘I need to write my fucking dissertation‘ emotions. In case you haven’t heard, I’m writing 15000 words of a novel that
I’ve been working on ahem well, started it when I was 15 and currently trying to write the best draft of it yet. But I’m doubting myself and had been all summer and now I’m ill and rapidly running out of time.
I am well aware that I’m not getting a distinction nor a merit for this degree, nothing I’ve submitted over the last two years came close to getting a thumbs up from my tutor. Even the stuff I worked ridiculously hard on still got worse marks than the stuff I ran out of time for. I get it, like any creative medium it’s subjective, the same happened when I took Photography and heck, even my HNC in Professional Writing. At least my work was always remembered for being weird. I’m good with that.
Anyway, the pain in my glands and ears and throat still feels like someone tried to shred my neck so I’ve been very quiet the last few days especially. Eating has been a chore and coffee hasn’t been very present (very odd for me). I’m trying. I know potentially I could get in touch with my tutor or student support and ask about extending the deadline due to extremely bad circumstances but honestly, I don’t want to postpone, defer, or delay this degree any longer – I just want it over with so I can go back to enjoying writing for myself again!
The novel is polyphonic where each chapter is in the 1st person POV of the main character of that scene. I have several main characters but two absolute main characters and all the chapters follow in a cycle. The chapter I’m working on just now is a journey with one of the absolute MCs and I’ve been writing it in a notebook gifted to me by a good friend for my birthday last year. I wanted to go back to handwriting things because as quick as writing on a computer can be, it’s often not as fulfilling as handwriting where you can see the strokes and scribbles of your own hand building something in front of your eyes. Plus, cute notebooks and pens. Alas, the chapter is getting quite long but will be split into several chapters to be spread between the happenings of the other characters. As much as I want to continue writing by hand, I’ve three weeks to the day to get it all done… plus I’ll be returning to work next week and won’t have nearly as much time to ponder. Though hopefully I will be on the road to recovery… eventually.