Posted in Education, life, University

First Study Day of 2019

Yesterday was the first day I finally felt better, and to crack on with my every growing pile of work. So, naturally a study-date was called for. Unfortunately, the uni is still in Christmas holiday mode, I arrived on campus and found the library open but no coffee outlets, no food, and empty vending machines. Like the apocalypse.

I met my study buddy at her flat and after going foraging for food at Sainsbury’s we came back, ate and attempted to work. Yes, it took a while to get back into the swing of things, but as I had tried to be kinder to myself with my to-do list I did all right.

My next assessment is at the end of January, I do essentially know what I’m doing now, it’s just doing it that’s the problem and the most time-consuming part. As I remembered from the last assessment, the bibliography is the most awkward bit, because of formatting and remembering everything I read and skimmed over the last few months. I’m glad I started it and have at least the bones and formatting down, just minor information points and a few other sources to reference, otherwise it’s taking care of itself. Still hate writing the commentary though, it’s only 500 words and I’m wordy dammit!

I missed the deadline for the workshop for the second block, unfortunately they’ve been appearing earlier this year and I had nothing to submit, not even a semi-formed idea… in part due to the beating I took from the last assessment. I’ve tried not to take the criticism too personally, perhaps the genre of my work isn’t to my tutor’s liking or… I don’t know. Alas, I’m attempting this assignment from a different angle; I made a list of all the technical points we covered in this block and constructed a chapter where I was actively trying to include many of these points in it. I understand that the assessments are to see how we’re managing with the new topics learnt and if we are able to weave them into our own work… Which is fine, but I think others in my class are as frustrated at not being able to crack on with longer pieces to see how we are developing as writers and not trying to hit bullet points in a marking scheme.

Just my thoughts. Next study date is tomorrow, but I’ve a ton to get on with later tonight. Italian class starts back next week! I’m planning to start a new series of blog posts related to Italian grammar, at the very least to keep it fresh in my head!

e x

Drinking: Black Coffee

Listening to: You look so fine – Garbage

Posted in Health, life

Happy New Year! 2019!

Best wishes to all for the new year, I hope it started well and the resolutions haven’t been scrapped already!

I had such plans for starting 2019, being super organised, eating well, sleeping well, and getting a ton of work completed early. But I got ill on Boxing Day… and I’ve been out of it since then.

It began with a sore throat I assumed was related to the bottle of prosecco on Christmas day, but I’d ate loads of dinner so I shouldn’t have felt badly. Then I became worse as the time went on, achy, headaches, fever, shivers, and the dreaded sinus attack. I’ve also spent the last six days not being able to smell or taste anything, which makes eating chore-like and definitely not fun. I even resorted to eating Jalapeños out of the jar, but unable to smell nor taste them.

I seem to finally be a bit better today insofar as I can sort of taste again, but my energy levels have plummeted, I tried to organise some books and paperwork, then had to lie down for a half an hour feeling woozy.

I don’t do ill well. If something afflicts me from the neck down, I’m okay because I can still use my head and get on with other work or study; but getting a cold or a sinus infection ruins everything… All I’ve been able to do is read and nap a lot.

Just wanted to check in with you all, I hope everyone else is staying healthy, we’ve got some year ahead of us!

e x

Posted in life, rant, Writing

Woe is… Yodel.

So this week started off a lot more positively. I had a plan. I did my Italian exam on Monday and crammed the whole semester’s work into a couple of solid study days. It seemed to work. Fingers crossed I’ve nailed it. I wrote a lot for the written half but it’s just a matter of waiting and seeing.

Then my plan was to focus on writing, in part for the upcoming workshop and next impending TMA but also for my own other book projects. But Tuesday night, mum wanted an Argos delivery, it was scheduled to come on Thursday… Then we got the news it would be delivered by Yodel, and my heart sank.

Thursday happened, it was the day o2 had their system crash so there was no tracking for our delivery. Waited all day and nothing arrived, lo and behold, checking the tracking later said that the driver didn’t get us at home and put a note through the door – no surprise, there was no slip at the door. It was all lies.

Tried to get through to a person at Yodel on the phone but only got a robot who rearranged the delivery for the next day. So day 2 of waiting. Eventually the delivery showed up at nearly 6pm but the driver was brand new and confused at the box saying box 2 of 2… when we opened the HUGE box later half of the stuff was completely shattered. Cue the rage.

More phone calls to Argos’s unhelpful line still didn’t register any complaints or get any help apart from the mansplaining and condescension that Argos find it below them to deliver small items hence their use of couriers. Further frustrating conversations on the Argos Helpers Twitter page still resulted in nothing but a slew of random responses from a selection of random names.

So day 3 appeared and I resolved to just head into town to our preferred Argos store, where we did in fact get help from an amazing member of staff at customer services! She spoke with her manager, called the unhelpful line for us and rectified most of the problem by exchanging the broken products for unbroken ones (they are Christmas presents after all).

Unfortunately, the argos twitter people told me that the second parcel got sent back to the depot and will now be delivered on Monday… we’ll see.

Le sigh.

e x

Posted in life, Outings, wine, work

My 30th Birthday

It’s never a birthday around here without a dose of drama chucked into the mix.

Normally, I never really plan anything for my birthday other than going out for dinner, but this year, since it was a special level-up, I wanted to do something FUN – so I made my parents go bowling with me.

Step back, rewind. 

A few weeks before my birthday, I’d been getting terrible pain in my right shoulder. It was getting worse as the days wore on, not helped by how physically intensive my job was. The pain was running across my neck and down into my fingers which were going numb and aching… a trip to the doctor afforded me with a ton of Ibuprofen and Co-codamol and a sick-line. First time for everything, I guess. 

Time off helped greatly, a weight lifted from my shoulders (huh!) and it quickly dawned on me that things needed to change. Walking 3-miles home in the dark after 11pm at night stopped being fun after the first few goes. Taxis are too expensive and too hard to come by during the festive season and my soul was in pain.

I start my new job this weekend, had my induction last week, and it’ll keep me going for the next few months while I make some serious decisions. Although, given today’s Brexit revelations we might all be dead in a few months anyway.

Back to the birthday, we had the first celebration and bowling the day before my birthday and it was great! Even though I was desperately sleep deprived and my right shoulder still aching, my left worked enough to allow me to win both games – mum even came second, beating dad!

I had a quick nap before getting up to get ready for the evening meal with the fam and my old roommate. Finally I had someone to share a bottle of prosecco with! I received a ton of lovely, thoughtful (and useful) gifts to motivate me in my new chapter.

Martini Espresso to end the night

It was a great birthday overall and I’m quite happy  that I’m now ‘in my thirties’ even though I still have no idea what I’m doing… and that I had to stay up until 4am the morning after my birthday finishing my Master’s assignment!

e x

P.S. that’s my cake in the Featured Image… Gluten, Wheat, and Dairy free cake (the donuts were from Gregg’s ^_^

Posted in Blogging Challenge, life

30 Day Blogging Challenge – Day 24

What attracts you (in love)

Um, have you met me? I study and work too much to date.

However, I guess for me the true attraction lies in being comfortable around someone. When the conversation never needs to be forced, when you can make each other laugh and have a bit of banter. When there’s no rush or need to be defined as ‘something’ instead just enjoying what is.

Posted in Education, life, Musings, University, work, Writing

MIA

So work, real life, and laziness has prevented me from updating in a while. I have a bunch of great ideas for new blog posts that I need to at some point write and schedule… but I’ve been holding myself back. Why? Who knows!

I’ve started the 15-minute-method, like Pomodoro but shorter, for commitment-phobes like myself. Anyway, I’ve managed several days of blocking out 15 minutes to work on stuff I complain I never have time for… and lo and behold, it actually works. But I’ll get back to that later, in another post, which I will write asap.

In other news, I’ve pulled a muscle in my back and it hurts like HELL. It’s making me realise I don’t know enough swear words in enough languages! The last couple of days haven’t been great at work doing repetitive movements, plus going shopping today and carrying the heavy stuff upstairs has taken its toll. I’ve been using a hot-water bottle when I can to try and sooth it, but google informed me it’s just one of those things that has to heal itself. Pity.

In less than two weeks my next assessment for my course is due and while I’ve written a chunk and actually tried to properly craft my commentary, I’m still having major doubts whether what I have is sufficient. This chapter is much slower than the last one, as a bit criticism on my previous work is that I’ve tried to include too many elements into just a few thousand words of a chapter. I just hope that my slowing down hasn’t slowed down the interest in it. I’m hoping to get a draft completed asap and I’ll post it on the forum to get some feedback.

Beyond that, I’m just thrilled that a Costa Coffee has opened near my house, so I finally have somewhere decent close by to study in! And coffee!

I’ll post again soon, let me know if you have any remedies for back/muscle pain!

e x

Posted in Education, Goals, Late Nights, life, Musings, rant, University

Smart and Imperfect

There are many misconceptions about what being smart is. The idea that the grades you earn in school or even university; that they can somehow define your potential, your essence is absurd. You may not have paid attention in school, uninspired and left behind. You may have scraped by and gone on to a University or College into whichever course seemed like a good idea to 17 year old you and you may have graduated/passed with average grades from an average, uninspired performance. You might only have discovered your true passions from a chance encounter well into your 20s or by a passing comment from a teacher on graduation day when it was ‘too late’ to do anything about it.

But what will you be judged by by future employers and puppet masters? Those grades that merely state what you obtained from one day’s exam performance. How well you understood/didn’t understand the course work in a twelve week semester, with a shitty essay that you tried hard on but the teacher was never going to be gentle with her marking.

And doesn’t it seem ridiculous in the end?

I didn’t manage too well in high school. I performed fairly well for most subjects in standard grade and intermediates for fifth year, but in sixth year I was suffocated, desperate to escape the petty associations of high school while my life was falling apart outside of school. Did it matter to the teachers? Nope. It bothered them more that I wasn’t walking around with a smile plastered to my face. They saw my average grades for the prelims and accused me of sabotaging my future by not working ‘to my potential’. They blanked me when and if I tried to explain how I felt. They shamed me for wanting to go to a Further Education College after school instead of University. I was told I would never achieve anything in my life if I didn’t go straight to uni.

Ahem.

So I’ve attended a lot of colleges, I’ve been to Uni in several capacities, including abroad, and while I am not a perfect student or have ever had PERFECT GRADES. I’m still smart.

I’m smart because I’m passionate. Most people have things that interest them, and we’ve all had to study and learn things that bored or frustrated us, but I can talk endlessly for hours, days even, on the things that truly spark me. Is that stuff quantifiable? No. Sure, you can give me an Italian grammar test, or tell me that my ability to speak Spanish is shite, but does that take away my abilities to manage or enjoy these languages? NOPE. If my Spanish is so awful, how then did I manage to survive living in Spain for a year in a town that refused to speak English? I still got my coffee and tomato toast every morning and managed to argue with the cashiers in Mercadona that my Post Office Travel Money card is mine and linked to my passport but doesn’t have my name printed on it because it just bloody doesn’t.

I did the PLIDA exam at B2 in Granada, and I passed 3 of the 4 elements with flying colours to the surprise of my lecturer, but then because of a random, sudden change in the format of the speaking exam I was TWO points shy of passing the oral segment and thus failed the whole exam. Inside it destroyed me. I had worked relentlessly for weeks, to the point I was sick with the stress… and for a part of an exam that lasted about twenty minutes, they basically told me I wasn’t good enough. My Italian wasn’t good enough. My effort wasn’t good enough. Had they heard the whole half an hour I spent speaking in Italian to my speaking partner before the exam? No. Did they know that I had made friends with an Italian in Granada and I asked the others in my Italian class to speak with me in Italian and not Spanish because it was suddenly like someone had turned down the static on a fuzzy radio. It took me a long time to get over the pain of the set back, but then I finished my year abroad with 88% in the C1 Italian language class which took into account my whole ability, for the whole term… and my passion.

I lost a lot of my interest in Spanish because of uni. Because every piece of Spanish work came back covered in red pen and bad marks. Because my oral work was criticised because of nerves or a lack of confidence… and in the end a lack of fucks given. But I got through it, I have that damn degree, and slowly over the last year I’ve allowed myself to remember the good points about it. Every extra Hispanohablante is one more person pissing off Trump. I enjoy Spanish music, I love my Italian singers who also perform and release their stuff in Spanish. I love my original passion for languages, once I realised I could… I couldn’t stop at just one or two, it’s still my goal to dabble in as many languages as possible. I’ve even told a few people that the Netflix show One Day at a Time is helping me enjoy Spanish again… because it’s about the thrill, the education for enjoyment’s sake and not about using the fucking subjunctive perfectly! (I seriously don’t think anyone can!) Plus, Despacito 😉

Another whole pathetic example is my undergraduate dissertation. Now to point out, I was trying to hard to still care about Hispanic Studies at all and so I started researching things I was already interested (Ancient History/Italy) in to see if I could tie it all together. Thus it became about the Roman Conquest of Hispania which by the way took 200 years to happen. Who knew?! It’s a thrilling part of history that not many are fully aware of. Sure, most people have heard about Hannibal crossing the Alps, but do they know why? Or that it was during the second of three Punic Wars between the Roman Republic and the Carthaginian Empire??? I’ve probably lost you now but this thrills me. Gives me actual goosebumps. I daydream about what would have happened if Carthage had won.

The whole project was about 11 months of work, research, planning, and writing because it could only be a measly 10,000 words. So I had to be as economical as possible. Ultimately I handed in something I was immensely proud of, worked ridiculously hard at, missed shifts at work, turned my day into night, didn’t see my flatmates properly for weeks, and despite all the passion and inspiration, what happened? I got a shit mark. Not a D but still, after everything… And the feedback? Well the first paragraph could go on my gravestone and make you think I was a saint, but then the negativity came. Nothing about my actual work was faulted. It was all about what the tutor thought should have been put in (but I’d filled the whole word count), a few stupid comments about using ‘this’ alone, and other daft things that would have taken the research in a whole other direction. Pathetic. Considering two factors; the tutor had NO knowledge of Ancient Roman History, nor the narrative I was following; and had no idea that Carthage had a base in Hispania which was one of the precipitating factors of the damn Punic Wars and the whole freaking conquest! -_- Also while describing Scipio’s week-long surround-and-starve tactics on northern natives, my writing was apparently ‘too dramatic’.

But!

I’m still passionate about all my interests and hope to expand on my dissertation (because I can) and without the fear of some lecturer and their red pen trying to tell me I’m not good enough.

And please, dear readers, don’t ever let anyone make you feel like you don’t measure up. That your smarts and abilities aren’t good enough because you don’t have a degree certificate or some other numbered sticker that is meant to tell the world which box you fit into for the rest of your life. Before I started uni, I had people who were astounded (and told me to my face) that I could form an intelligent opinion about something I literally can’t remember now… the difference was that we were the same age but she was attending uni and I was only a lowly college student. HA!

If anything, attending FE colleges helped me develop myself and my life skills more than university ever did. I had more fun nights out at college, had more fun mucking about the photography studio, and spent more time learning about languages, again, than I did at uni. Uni is like a treadmill set on a ridiculously fast pace, and the goal is just to hang on, eventually you stop trying to run at that speed and you find your own way of clinging on for dear life, until someone calls the race to an end and you graduate with whichever number they’ve deigned to put on that yellow piece of paper.

Remember you are more than that bit of paper.

You can do anything you set your mind to.

Bring passion, bring willpower, and forget the fuck about ever being perfect.

e x