Posted in Health, life, rant, Writing

Figurative Ledges

So the summer is drawing to a close and there’s not been much to speak of weather-wise. I’ve been working, studying, and beating myself up about all the other things I don’t have time or energy to do – including blogging.

I’m currently still in the process of recovering from the worst bout of Tonsilitis I’ve ever had. It’s been bad before but it’s the first time the doctor has given me a massive dose of antibiotics – although I went on the Friday and she stated I’d be fine for work on the Monday. Riiight. So here I am, a week later and still not back at work yet. My throat no longer looks like an alien laid eggs around my raw tonsils but everything else is still funky. My right ear, (a.k.a the bad one) has taken to gurgling every time I hear sound, my glands pulse every time I move, and my eyes are making my brain swim when I stare at the computer screen, but I’m in training for returning to work on Monday.

Other than when I’m having dietary issues I get sick around my head, usually the sinuses and ENT so it’s only the second time this year I’ve been so horrifically ill. At Christmas we were visited by plague-ridden guests who made Madre and I ill for two weeks and I lost my sense of smell and taste for six days. True fact, I ate from a jar of JalapeƱos as if they were cucumber, nor could I smell the tub of Vicks.

Obviously with these types of sickness, you can’t do the normal things to pass the time like listening to music, watching tv, or playing video games… So I read, after a few days I could stand just to read from normal books. Some Dante, Homer, Mary Wollstonecraft and then my Latin grammar book. I find solace in my nerdy habits.

I’m behind on my dissertation, I’m gutted about the last mark I received but I finished it while battling an ear thing that was the lead up to the tonsillitis; but at least I passed. The dissertation is due in about a month and a half. But of course I signed up to another TEFL course for teaching young children and I have mere days to finish the assignments for that… Naturally, the stress has been piling on me and through lack of being able to do anything without suddenly being whomped by exhaustion or my head spinning, so the darkness/dementors has been moving in – hence distracting myself with Latin and that I’ve barely made a dent in my classics books.

Another recent habit when my ears aren’t acting up is listening to audiobooks and crocheting. I’ve ploughed through The Stand by Stephen King and the Scarlet Bernard books by Melissa F. Olsen and now I have several of the Great Courses lectures downloaded too. Right now listening to the Foundations of Western Civilization by Professor Thomas Noble, so amazing and in only thirty minute lectures I’ve been getting through them quite quickly.

I’m not back to my usual self yet, a lot of other stuff has happened that’s not helping how I’m feeling, but I know I can only take one day at a time, and right now I think it’s time for bed and some of the Iliad.

e x

Advertisements
Posted in Memories, Music

1976-2017

Yesterday was the first time I was able to bring myself to listen to Linkin Park since Chester’s suicide. I listened to most of the Reanimation album (a few tracks were missing from my phone) since way back when it was my favourite LP album.

It’s hard to think back and remember how LP were such a massive part of my life when I was a young teenager. I had to have my own copies of the albums, Reanimation came out around one of my birthdays and was an extra treat, then Meteora dropped in 2003 and I swear I listened to that album everyday for about 40 days straight.

In November 2003 Linkin Park did their UK tour with their first ever date in Glasgow. I had already bought a ticket but I ended up winning a radio competition on Beat 106 and not only won 2 more tickets but also won backstage passes for my friends and I. It was the absolute greatest night of my life, the night before I turned 15, and solidified how much I loved LP and Chester.

I have fond memories of those few years, in the vacuum between albums I of course got interested in other bands like My Chemical Romance and Placebo (the latter to an obsessive point) and won countless radio competitions to win tickets for them and merchandise. The point is, despite school and reality, I had music to fall back on, I had my bands I could count on to make me feel better, to protect me in a little bubble world when I didn’t have the answers to the big things myself. The words Chester sang and screamed fit perfectly with my own feelings of angst and confusion and I am so much a better person for having been able to work through it all with his help. My only regret, and one I know everyone is and will be feeling, is that Chester didn’t get this same escape and closure to his angst and demons, or not enough of it, at least.

I’m sorry as the years went by and communications became easier, I’m sorry I didn’t just tweet or message the profound impact he and his band had on me. They made me want to do better, to work harder and more passionately. And they proved that dreams do come true. I’m still struggling to tie this happy part of my teenage-hood with the harsh realities I’ve faced myself and understand as an adult, I don’t know that I ever will, and I don’t know that I need to; the happiest memory I have is what will keep his memory alive.

e x