I can’t believe it’s been four years since I started this little blog. I remember it as if it were yesterday, sitting in the Uni library fretting that I only had a couple of months to go before my second last year was over and I created Adventures of a Perpetual Student to document it.
Then it stalled many times.
And it has continued to stall many times.
Anyway, that’s really just me. When I have something important to say I say it, but I’m trying to get more into the habit of writing consistently.
Alas, here’s to another four years of more content, more travels and more coffee.
I’m so close to finishing.
I’ve been writing so much that I’ve not been updating.
I printed most of it off at the library and I’ll spend the rest of tonight editing.
Less than 1k words to go!
So much caffeine.
So yesterday I managed 6 hours sleep then was back up and back to work, until my hands gave out. Completely. I couldn’t move them without them cracking and aching, so I had a hot bath and took the rest of the night off. Made it to 5150 words though!
Starting much later than expected today, probably won’t get a lot done as I’m trying to get back into something of a routine now, but I’ve plenty written that needs to be typed and I’m on a roll.
No crochet or gaming for me either, I need all my hand energy for typing and writing.
Got a nice big takeaway yesterday that will probably feed me for several days. Appetite is returning gradually.
Hoping to leave the house tomorrow for the first time in weeks. Need to stretch my legs and test my energy levels. Plus coffee.
I’ve survived until now. It’s after eight am and my eyes are gluing themselves shut.
I’ve typed a good chunk and handwritten two other chapters as I’m reworking old drafts and my brain finds it easier to write. I’m rambling, sorry.
I’m probably going to sleep for a while. My hands will be throbbing later, they are already sore but we’ll see how it goes. I need to hit my 15k typed target asap so I can have plenty of time for edits and redrafting before I go back to work.
My chairs are all uncomfortable. I need a big reading chair.
Still forgot to use forest all night.
I’m still not better. Last night I slept for ten hours, got up and went for a blood test, struggled to eat a single bagel then two hours after getting up I fell back asleep for four and a half hours! Plus I was shivering – even under two heavy quilts and three blankets. Gah!
I’m worried that the days are melting together. I’m caught between the, ‘I need to rest’ and ‘I need to write my fucking dissertation‘ emotions. In case you haven’t heard, I’m writing 15000 words of a novel that
I’ve been working on ahem well, started it when I was 15 and currently trying to write the best draft of it yet. But I’m doubting myself and had been all summer and now I’m ill and rapidly running out of time.
I am well aware that I’m not getting a distinction nor a merit for this degree, nothing I’ve submitted over the last two years came close to getting a thumbs up from my tutor. Even the stuff I worked ridiculously hard on still got worse marks than the stuff I ran out of time for. I get it, like any creative medium it’s subjective, the same happened when I took Photography and heck, even my HNC in Professional Writing. At least my work was always remembered for being weird. I’m good with that.
Anyway, the pain in my glands and ears and throat still feels like someone tried to shred my neck so I’ve been very quiet the last few days especially. Eating has been a chore and coffee hasn’t been very present (very odd for me). I’m trying. I know potentially I could get in touch with my tutor or student support and ask about extending the deadline due to extremely bad circumstances but honestly, I don’t want to postpone, defer, or delay this degree any longer – I just want it over with so I can go back to enjoying writing for myself again!
The novel is polyphonic where each chapter is in the 1st person POV of the main character of that scene. I have several main characters but two absolute main characters and all the chapters follow in a cycle. The chapter I’m working on just now is a journey with one of the absolute MCs and I’ve been writing it in a notebook gifted to me by a good friend for my birthday last year. I wanted to go back to handwriting things because as quick as writing on a computer can be, it’s often not as fulfilling as handwriting where you can see the strokes and scribbles of your own hand building something in front of your eyes. Plus, cute notebooks and pens. Alas, the chapter is getting quite long but will be split into several chapters to be spread between the happenings of the other characters. As much as I want to continue writing by hand, I’ve three weeks to the day to get it all done… plus I’ll be returning to work next week and won’t have nearly as much time to ponder. Though hopefully I will be on the road to recovery… eventually.
I had so many plans, and yet…
The tonsillitis refused to clear properly, I returned to work after my sick-line and finished my antibiotics. It was too much, I wasn’t ready. Then I was off again. Then back again, and just as I started to think I knew what I was doing the confusion returned, the agonising migraine-like headaches returned and my glands have swollen so much I now have a triple chin. Couldn’t get through to the docs for ages, next weekday off I still couldn’t get to see anyone but got another phone consult and told they need to take blood as it’s probably Glandular Fever (mono). But of course I can’t get bloods taken for another week because of so few appointments.
The doc told me I’d be ill for the next six months and there’s nothing they can do for me, even when they confirm it as GF. Because it’s viral. This is going to be a fun bumpy month while I discover just how supportive or not my work is and whether I can muster enough creative energy during my malaise to finish my dissertation to a decent enough standard after working so hard for the last two years.
I’ve been keeping myself entertained with audiobooks and crochet for as long as my ears can stand the noise. Even the lack of noise is painful so then I just try to sleep. I’m very frustrated with being ill. I am very hard on myself when I feel I should be able to leap tall buildings yet get vertigo by standing up.
This too shall pass, I suppose.
I’ll start posting some pictures of my crochet when I remember to.
So I went quiet for a while…
Things got a bit dark; dragons and ineffective coffee – I even stopped playing the Sims.
I couldn’t post on social media (not properly), everything I thought seemed to bland and uninteresting to tell anyone about.
Like I said, darkness and dragons.
But, I’ve slowly regained my spark, crocheting and audiobooks of all things helped serve as a distraction. Mass job applications drained me psychically so I binged on Bones and Lucifer for inspiration. I plotted gifts I could crochet for everyone’s birthdays this year since up until two weeks ago I was very, very broke. (Still skint but not very.)
Now I’m fairly settled into a new job, that while I’m still learning and it’s still new, it’s not as overwhelmingly terrifying as the beginnings of a new job usually is. Mostly because everyone wants to help and wants us all to succeed. Despite the ridiculously early mornings and long days, I’m coping well and not so mentally drained as with other jobs. Trying to be productive on the weekends is something I’m still wrestling with but I’m getting there.
I’ve a couple of days off just now to work on my next assessment, due on Thursday, but after some weeks of avoiding it, I have a pretty good grasp on what needs to be done and have lots of notes and drafts. I do need to start thinking of the bigger picture, i.e. the dissertation which will start to sook up all my free time and thoughts.
I’ve been to events and gone to new restaurants in the last months, so I definitely have plenty to blog about… just sitting down to do it is always the hardest part. However, see the picture above – that’s my new dedicated outdoor writing space in the garden. The weather has turned nice again so I want to make the most of it while I can. I need to write and study but there’s nothing wrong with being out soaking up some vitamins while I’m doing it.
Anyway, it’s past my bedtime but I’ll start writing more posts tomorrow to schedule. I promise not to abandon the blogosphere for so long again!